Oh Barack! The choice of Paul Ryan as Mr. Romney’s Vice President is bad news – like “inheriting the worst political prospect since the Great Depression” kind of bad news. Mr. Ryan is intelligent, articulate, knowledgeable, objective, and makes perfectly good sense when “attack ads” do not speak for him. What’s worse is that he is an adult. Only children ignore problems or tell other people the problem doesn’t exist – bad children. He wants to resolve issues and puts forth possible solutions for consideration. The really bad news? He has a head of hair that Joe Biden would kill for!
A Column by John Sullivan
Dear Barack, how is it going to look when these two debate and the audience sees that “Transplant Joe” – a heartbeat away from the Presidency, mind you – thinks it is a good idea to cut out clumps of his scalp from one part of his head and painfully insert them into another part of his head? Now, a little vanity is okay, but the audience won’t be able to keep from wondering “What if some of those insertions went too deep?”
I’ll tell you what! You publicly tout the $535 million taxpayer gift to Solyndra as a source of a thousand jobs that will be created when they make solar panels for $6 apiece to sell in a market where the price is $2 apiece! Now, Barack, I know that you do not know anything about economics, so just take my word that this is not a formula for business success. Poor Joe! He doesn’t even know as much about economics as Mr. Ryan’s shoe does. This is not a metaphor! I asked Mr. Ryan’s shoe if it could make money by producing solar panels for $6 apiece and selling them for $2 apiece and it said, “Nosiree Bob!”
Another insertion must have been responsible for the claim that a $529 million government (taxpayer) loan guarantee to start up an electric car company would “produce thousands of American jobs”. Oops! It was only 500 jobs, they only lasted a nanosecond, and the jobs were in Finland. Another $500 million of taxpayer money goes to a second electric car company that has a few things in common with the other two boondoggles. The recipients were politically connected, and they would be producing products that were prohibitively expensive. Wow, no wonder so many people want to contribute to your campaign!
Now, Barack, we may have been somewhat unfair about that “American jobs in Finland” business. We all know that you “campaigned in all 57 states”, yet we’ve only been taught about 50 states. Somewhere, seven states are unaccounted for. Please accept our apology if one of them is “Finland”.
So, Barack, what’s to be done? Mr. Romney has done the “businesslike thing”. He has hired “talent”, and done a good job of “succession planning”. Both of these folks have proven management skills and are going to be debating against……well, let’s not be talking about the Yankees and the Cubs. This will be a battle of wits and you don’t want to send “Transplant Joe” out there unarmed. Whatever you do, do not give Joe any numbers! The numbers are all against him, and he will just hurt himself. Do not let him answer any questions put to him by Paul Ryan’s shoe! He is sure to lose that one. Above all, coach him not to look wistfully at Paul Ryan’s hair!
When asked a question, tell Joe to ignore it completely and talk about “Granny tossed over a cliff”. He should blame everything on George Bush, Europe, tsunamis, Libya, Egypt, failed policies (of the past, of course), and the top 1% (except you, him, and most Congressmen). When asked why he does not think that a vastly expanded regulatory burden is costing jobs, he should threaten to punch the panel member in the nose. Do you get the drift, dear Barack? I knew you would!
You just need to “get Joe through it”. The “debate” itself doesn’t matter that much because, after all is said and done, there really isn’t a single damned thing that is “debatable”.
Sincerely, A Constituent
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